“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” ~Winston Churchill
Don’t be that Guy: 5 Ways to Spot a Nashville Hipster
Hipsters are the guys and girls who are always on the cutting edge of culture (or so they’d like to think). They’ve already heard of your favorite band. In fact, they listened to them several years ago and already
decided that they sounded too much like radiohead. They saw the movie, it sucked. They are against anything and everything that is “mainstream.” They are the devoted sharecroppers of independent thoughts. They are not at all bad people. In fact, if you’re reading this blog then chances are, you’re a hipster. I’m a hipster and proud of it. Being a hipster I’ve had years of experience with the Nashville sort and they are more than a little interesting. So for those of you who are closet hipsters, confused hipsters, wanna be hipsters, girl hipsters, guy hipsters, or not a hipster at all, this blog post is for you. These are five tell-tale signs of Nashville hipsters. Enjoy.
1. Foreign Language Tattoos
The first step in spotting a Nashville hipster is to look for the tattoos. Don’t worry, you won’t have to look hard, most hipsters make their tattoos painfully obvious via belly button deep American Apparel V-neck t-shirts. The tattoo is the symbol of simultaneous maturity and everlasting youth for the hipster. The most obvious hipster tattoo trend is the foreign language tat. This is common place in the hipster community because it lets the hipster hold on to their “uniqueness” while still getting the same tattoo as everyone else. This appeals to hipsters’ biggest fear of being normal. Look specifically for bible verses written in Latin, Greek, or (for the bold ones) Aramaic. You can ask the hipster what the tattoo means (trust me, they want you to) but don’t be surprised when you’re given and hour and a half explanation of a one line tat. However, don’t ask them to read anything in their dead language of choice because they don’t understand it (chances are, neither did the tattoo artist).
The easiest way to spot a hipster is to look at their clothing. While this is not always 100% accurate, is does provide a starting point for analysis. Nashville hipsters can be seen rocking a plethora of different styles. The rockers will undoubtedly be seen wearing fully embroidered button-up shirts with a cross on the back as well as super stylish jeans with back pockets that button up to protect their hipster stash. While these clothes do look just like the ones on the clearance rack at Target, don’t be confused. Their clothes cost more than what most of us make in a month. What’s better is that these rocker hipsters get their clothes from boutiques. Yes, boutiques. The artsy hipsters like to wear clothing that in no way fits their age, or generation. They think it’s cool to blend styles in ways that don’t make any sense. Look for neck ties on t-shirts, suit vests on top of short sleeve shirts, fedoras while wearing swimming trunks. The list goes on and on and on. As long as the clothing is completely contradictory, the hipster is being unique and therefore not afraid of the way they look. Also, look for brand names, don’t be surprised to find a Nashville hipster wearing a 1$ thrift store t-shirt with $150 rock&republic hipster jeans.
3. General dislike for “The Mainstream”
Hipsters define themselves by their opinions, therefore their opinions are always unique and almost always against whatever cultural norm can be applied. If you want a good laugh, ask your local music hipster what they think of the latest Black Eyed Peas CD. Then tell them that you bought it through itunes
and that the sound quality is way better than their Ryan Adams limited edition Vinyl. If their head has yet to explode, try and convince them that Taylor Swift is going to do for pop music what Creed did for tribal armband tattoos. A great way to pick a Nashville hipster out of a crowd is to start a conversation about country music. Nashville hipsters hate country music, but they LOVE folk. Ask them why, then nod your head accordingly as they explain the way that country music has lost its soul since Johnny Cash died. Don’t bother asking them about any other country artists because they’ll only want to talk about their “folk” artists. (The funny thing is, that most of their “folk” hits, are the same as your country favorites). If a politician who is alive agrees with your ideas, then you’re a conformist in the eyes of a hipster. You can only quote dead men, gangsters, Zach Braff, and the Beatles.
4. Overall Sketchiness
Nashville hipsters are notorious for their sketchy business antics. They don’t have 9-5 jobs, but they make more money than the entire state of Rhode Island (sorry Rhode Island, I really don’t know if that’s true). I’m mainly talking about the upper echelon of Nashville hipsters who I like to think of as the young professional hipsters. I’m not sure if they were hipsters before they were entrepreneurs or if it’s a result of all the hip outfits and opinions, but either way they work it. You see them every day. They sit in the corner of Panera Bread Co. on their iPhone talking to some guy about how “the new design is lacking majorly.” They use phrases like “bro, man, dude, chick, chill, feelin’ it, right on,” and “stellar” in business phone calls. If you ask them what their job is they’ll spit some strange form of hipster jargon at you that sounds an awful lot like a mobsters cover. They are the advisors, consultants, organizers, and handlers. I know that I’m leaving out the large group of hipsters who are part time musicians when they’re not too busy being hip, but they don’t make money so they can’t be sketchy about it.
5. They’re really skinny
They don’t have the time or energy to work out because they can’t tweet while pumping iron. What’s funny about hipsters is that the guys are often times smaller than the girls. I have heard many a hip conversation where the dude brags about how he can fit in his girlfriend’s jeans. I’ve also known a few hipster girlfriends to be upset after a breakup because their hip guy took their favorite pair of seven jeans and wears them all the time now. Their tiny frame can most likely be attributed to their diet of low-fat salads and red bull. Who has time to eat when there are blogs that need posting!
I admit it, I am a hipster. I hope that if you’re a hipster like me, you take this blog in full jest and don’t take any personal offense to the remarks I’ve made. After all, it wouldn’t be very hip of me to point out the flaws of my friends without including myself in the same group.
“Those who are quite satisfied sit still and do nothing; those who are not quite satisfied are the sole benefactors of the world.” ~Walter Savage Landor
Any other hipster observations? Let me know.