“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” ~Henry Winkler
Don’t Be That Guy : wrong ways to ask out girls
It occurred to me last night while sitting in a Steak ‘n Shake booth filling my face with the greasiest concoction known to man that the men of my demographic have either had their man parts surgically removed to make room for tighter jeans, or listened to so much Connor O’berst that they’ve given up on the idea of a legitimate relationship completely. I mean seriously, I know your iphone has a girlfriend app, but if you have any hopes of ever being able to sit across from a fleshy being and not pee yourself with nervous anticipation then you need to finish reading this post. However, this post is not only for the men. That’s right ladies, read this and read it close because if you ever find yourself in one of these terrible situations it is your job as a woman to run as fast as those legs will take you. Please don’t gratify their pathetic efforts with any shade of confirmation. What exactly am I referring to? So glad you asked…
Facebook (or your social network of choice)
Now I know that facebook is your homepage, your social outlet, your chatroom, and your best friend but seriously, don’t ever ask a girl out on facebook. I know that the lack of confrontation involved with this method feels really good on your frail psyche and that if she says no you can immediately click out of the window and pretend it never happened. But if you’re not man enough to risk your well being than you’re not man enough to ask out a girl.
Emailing Her Best Friend
For those of you keeping score at home, this one puts guys in the “we won’t ever be friends” zone faster than you can say “I have an iphone!” And if you think that I’m creative enough to come up with these scenarios on my own, you’re so very wrong. A good friend of mine (who will remain nameless so that she doesn’t get asked out in any more terrible ways) recently had a boy email her roommate asking if he could hook the two of them up. What’s better is that he’s never even met my friend. This is neither clever nor trendy. What I love most about this situation is that he wasn’t even bold enough to directly email the girl in question. Come now little boy, she can’t come out to play she’s too busy being a COLLEGE STUDENT!
Even I can appreciate the fact at least you’re directly contacting the female, but still… come on. Texting a girl to ask her out is essentially saying, “yeah I really don’t have any self confidence or communicative abilities, but I like pizza.” So if she likes free pizza more than she likes the idea of dating you, she might say yes. (Girls, you can find a friend to buy you pizza later so please don’t say yes) Maybe you should use that hip device on your belt for what it was originally made for and dial that number and ask that girl on a date!
The moral of the story, for those of you who have yet to catch on is that asking out girls using technology is a bad idea. The reason it’s a bad idea is because it requires virtually no effort and no risk in putting yourself out there. If you’re not willing to risk being told “no” then you don’t deserve to hear her say “yes.” Even if you don’t have the confidence to ask a girl out, fake it. Maybe she’ll mistake the strange odor seeping from your under arms as the natural smell of the area. And maybe, just maybe she might just say yes. If she does say yes, then you’ve got to start planning that first date. No worries though, I’ve got a post on that too: First Dates: 5 Ways to Not Screw Up